39. To Bead or Not to Bead

"To Bead or Not to Bead" wasn't the question--it was the answer to the current problem. I was bogged down in creating a book which no one seemed to want. That was a recipe for discouragement, which in turn led to a rather "down" frame of mind that did not yield much fun in quilting or anything else. It was time to lighten up.

I was still teaching, lecturing, and making commissioned work. But in focusing so intently on my curved piecing techniques, I had gotten stuck in a rut. Every new idea was stuffed into the curved piecing category, whether it truly belonged there or not. I, who had always tried to teach my students to develop a full tool kit from which to work so their designs would never be limited by technique, had fallen into that very trap: my big bag of tools hadn't been opened lately. It was time to to play with fabrics again, and this quilt is the result. Some time earlier I had clipped a jewelry ad out of a catalog, thinking it would be fun to try to make fabric "beads". It was a simple idea: shapes in fun fabrics sewn onto a dark background, with free-motion-embroidered gold chain between the beaded strands. The work yielded a quilt I liked as well as a breath of fresh air and a new perspective.

I had given the book my best shot, and now it was time to let it go. If it sounds as though this was an easy decision, don't believe it for a minute. These ideas on which I had focused, along with the quilts I made with them, were significant in my development as a quilter, and I truly did feel I had something new to offer. However, I had already received the benefits of having thought them through and written them down. Teaching about the techniques in person seemed the most effective way to convey them. Under the best of circumstances the book was never going to be a best-seller. Giving up this attempt didn't mean I would never write again (obviously!), but I was forced to consider my real motivations for writing this book. I had to accept that recognition for my contributions to quilting was probably more to the point than any income I would receive from the book. Rising inside me was a feeling of "listen to me, listen to me, I am doing good work here and nobody is paying attention!" Such reflections made me cringe in embarrassment, and I realized pursuing this project any further would have required a worthier reason than the gratification of my own ego.

Creating this quilt helped me to step back and consider what I truly care about in this crazy career of mine. It turns out--ta-daa!--that what really makes me happy is making quilts I love. Another simple idea, and I think the right one for me.